A few days
ago, HRH the Queen of Kutch told me that I was too much of an `Angrez`.
I assumed that the national – anti national – sedition debates were troubling
her. So I asked what she meant by the fact that she thought I was too much of
an `Angrez`?
I was
witheringly told that my likes and dislikes, such as, dislike for Bollywood
movies, Bollywood music, Bhel Puri for dinner and so on and so forth and my
likes for all things Western, all made me an `Angrez’.
I was hurt,
I was stung. I did not consider myself an `Angrez’ at all. I am an
Indian, I love my country, and I will never leave India. I wondered how I could
correct this impression that she had. Then, one evening while watching debates
on patriotism on TV, during an advertisement break, I had my answer.
Baba
Elaichi. This was something that would make me a `Desi’ like all of us. Akshay
Kumar endorses the product, and, I like Akshay Kumar. Obviously, products like
Baba Elaichi such as Pan Parag, Rajnigandha et al are something that
sort of really signify and indicate our Indianness, and these products have a
huge market. People are forever launching spoonful’s into their mouths. I decided
to buy a tin of Baba Elaichi. What could be better to prove my Indianness?
There was
one minor problem. This being the first time in my 52 years that I was buying
such a product, I had no idea as to what kind of store does one go to? A street
side paanwalla, or a general store or a supermarket? I had no clue. HRH
the Queen of Kutch to the rescue once again. Rescue or sheer determination to
make me a `desi’ I do not know.
While
buying some Samosa’s from the neighbourhood shop she asked the young Sardar at
the counter where she could get Baba Elaichi? He beamed and said that he
stocked Baba Elaichi. So along with the Samosa, a tin of Baba Elaichi was
carried home.
I was
overjoyed. I would be `desi’ again.
You may
well be wondering what Baba Elaichi is. To answer this, I reproduce from their fascinating
website. I offer no comments on the contents.
“BABA Elaichi is a refreshing, exotic and aromatic mouth freshener
coated with silver. Blended with the finest seeds from the green cardamom pods,
saffron and 999 grade silver, BABA Elaichi is both natural and refreshing mouth
freshener whose effects lasts all day. The silver used to coat the cardamom is
processed by using German machines making it pure and refined.
Elaichi has been used for generations in India. Every household in India
uses cardamom is some manner throughout the day. BABA Elaichi has been at the
forefront when it comes to providing the people with premium quality silver
coated cardamom. Being a natural product, BABA Elaichi also improves blood
circulation, improving digestion, releasing stomach cramps. Being a detoxifying
agent, Elaichi also helps in cleaning the body and enhancing appetite.”
This was
good. Not only would I become `desi’ but I would have the added
advantage of improving my health in ways I could never imagine.
I looked at
the little tin. It was certainly well packaged. The precious Elaichi was packed
in an airtight little tin with a lid like a beer can. You got a plastic lid to
fit onto the tin once the metal lid was removed. The tin itself was, shall we
say, discrete; it would fit very snugly into a Safari Suit pocket.
It was time
for the taste test. I opened the tin. I could see the promised cardamom seeds
covered with silver, and, flecks of Saffron, which as you know is the most
expensive spice in the world, more expensive than Gold. Wow, this was going to
be really good.
Brimming
with self-confidence I popped a few seeds into my mouth. Good grief! It was
rather strange. Deeply, truly and insanely synthetic, with the strong taste of
Saccharine mixed. It tasted like what I would imagine, drinking a spoon of
perfume. It really was something, and something not really pleasant. This was
certainly not my cup of tea. It was ghastly!
So, at the
end of the day, I am Rs 120 poorer and I am not a `desi’. I hope that is
not seditious