Mumbai is different

Mumbai is different. Do not fool yourself. Do not ask me why Mumbai is different. It just is.

Mumbai is different from Delhi. Delhi has often been called the `rape capital’ of India. Mumbai would never be that. We are just not interested in women in Mumbai. Our energies are spent on injuring, killing, looting breaking taxis and rickshaws operated or owned by Biharis, UP Bhaiyas and so on. In Mumbai we also spend our energies arresting and fining couples sitting on the rocks at Bandra Bandstand. Nip the problem in the bud, stop this promiscuous behaviour and you will stop rape. See how safe Mumbai is. Women can walk at any hour of the day or night without any molestation.

In Mumbai no one eats Chow Mien. Our choice of food is Pao Bhaji or Vada Pao. No Chow Mein for us, no sir. Consequently, see how safe women are here.

Mumbai is different in yet another way. We have very few non vegetarian restaurants in Mumbai. I presume you know that the consumption of meat/flesh inflames passions. If you have restaurants serving non vegetarian food in our vegetarian Ghettos it’s best to burn and stone such restaurants. Mind you the restaurant may have all licenses and permissions in place however the peaceful vegetarians with calmed passions find it proper to violently destroy the restaurant in question.

I am sure you must have enjoyed the second T20 cricket match between Pakistan and India held at the Motera Stadium at Ahmedabad. Ahmedabad is in Gujarat, a state that has recently re-elected Mr. Narendra Modi and the Right Wing Hindu Party Bharatiya Janata Party to power with a thumping majority. Mr. Modi has been accused of fomenting the 2002 Gujarat Riots where Hindu rioters killed several hundred Muslims. Some months ago at a public function when Muslim Clerics presented Mr Modi with a Muslim cap, he refused to accept it. This got all the `jholawallas’ and other liberals in a right royal frenzy. Assuming for a moment that Mr. Modi is guilty of all he is accused of, an Indian Pakistan cricket match was held in his state capital. It was a full house, Mr. Modi himself attended the match, and the Pakistanis felt Ahmedabad was safe. But, in Mumbai, with a secular Congress government in place we cannot have India Pakistan cricket matches for fear of violence from the Shiv Sena and the MNS. See, Mumbai is different.     

Drinking and driving is very bad. World over people drink and drive. The test for whether a driver is driving under the influence, world over is done by using a device called a breathalyzer. This tests the amount of ethanol in our breath. Ethanol reacts with acetic acid and the reading indicates the blood alcohol content thereby signifying how drunk the person is. Now you must understand that all this i.e. the breathalyzer, costs money. Who wants to spend money when you can do things differently. In Mumbai we do things differently. What comes to my mind is a line from a Bob Dylan song called I Want You. The line is `blow into his face with scorn’. Yes in Mumbai our cops do things differently. No breathalyzer shreathalizer for us. You are to breath into a cops face. If you smell of alcohol `Gheun Taak’.

It's not a dentist. Its a cop.

Yes we are different.